Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I am here to pump *clap* me up!

I used to play basketball a couple of times per week for fun and exercise. Unfortunately, I have been plagued my entire life with knee issues. I eventually got tire of my knee pain and I gave up on the basketball. While the knee pain did improve, unfortunately my fitness level has been in a steady decline. I find myself using the word usestacould a lot. Ex. "I usestacould do more than 2 pull-ups." or "I usestacould run more than 10 feet without getting winded."

I decided to do something about it so I joined a gym. Now I'm no stranger to gym memberships. I am however a stranger to making good use of my gym membership. One of the issues I've always had is finding a good time to go. So I found a gym on my way to work. I get up a little earlier and I hit the gym on my way to work. I shower there and then I'm on my way.
My next issue has always been figuring out what to do when I get to the gym. I go rather early, and I'm tired so I don't want to think about what to do. So I end up lifting weights for a while, then running on a treadmill. This can get dull and I tend to bore easily.

My brother introduced me to GPP (General Physical Preparedness) www.gppfitness.com. These guys have quite a few gyms around and a pretty good community. But the best thing is, they come up with a different workout to do every day and list it on their website, right on the home page! No more thinking! I just do what they tell me to. They even have links to YouTube videos of how to do the exercises.

I've only done a couple workouts so far, but I'm definitely feeling it. I'm hoping it all goes well, I'll try to update later with my progress, no promises as I don't post all that often, but maybe if I get all sexy, I'll post some pics (yeah, that'll happen).

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sometimes I hurt

I wrote the following a few months ago when I was feeling down.  I posted it then, but took it down, because I'm kind of an introvert and I don't like people knowing too much about me.  I decided, after much thought, to repost it, in the hope that others who at times may feel this way, can know that they are not alone. This life can, and at times does, really suck.  But we all can make it through. I know it.

Have you ever been felt down?  For me, and I would assume there are others out there, this is an unfortunately cyclical event in my life.  Every few months, I experience a time of deep and lasting depression that seems to affect every aspect of my life.

Now, I don’t write this because I want people to feel bad for me, or to empathize or anything like that. This is strictly for informational purposes.  One of the things I do when I’m depressed is write.  I used to write all sorts of short stories and poetry.  So, for me, this is also serving as an outlet to hopefully make myself feel a little better.

Right now, I hate myself.  It’s not that I have any particular reason per se as to why, I just do.  I’m not sufficiently na├»ve to think that anyone else’s life is somehow easier/better than my own, I just don’t want to deal with being myself right now.

I’m disgusted by my body.  I’m not ugly or fat in my opinion, but I’m not what I’d like to be and that’s just as bad.  I have postherpetic neuralgia, which basically means I’ve had shingles in the past and the nerves that were affected by it continue to cause me pain.  This pain ranges from an annoyance, to a desire to tear my flesh from my body if that would help, and ranges in area from just my left arm to almost my entire left side of my body.  I’ve found a correlation between this pain and my depression.  I’m not sure if they’re connected, or if the pain is just more noticeable during these times, but there I am.  I also have a phantom pain in my intestinal tract that no doctor can diagnose.  After cat scans and a colonoscopy, the only thing that I know, is a whole list of things it isn’t. What a horrible waste of time and money all that was.

I’ve lost the desire to do anything.  I just want to hang around with my wife.  I have a really hard time finding the motivation to do anything worthwhile.  I play a lot more video games, not because I want to enjoy myself. They’re more of a way to hide from everything else I could or should be doing.

I also cry a lot, though I’d never let anyone see.  The tears are there and they are real, and they are bitter sad.  A song or a poem, or even a thought can set me off. Writing this is right now is making the tears well up.  I hate this so much.

The thing that probably bothers me the most, is my temper.  When I’m depressed, it usually also means I’m angry. I sometimes fear myself during these times.  I never really have a desire to hurt anyone or myself or anything like that, but I’d really like to punch something, and throw something, and smash something.  Just some useless destruction, yeah that’d be nice.  I snap at my wife and kids with little provocation. I’m extremely sarcastic and kind of a jerk.  No one deserves to be treated like that, especially your loved ones.

What really makes me upset about all of this is that I know it, yet I feel so powerless against it.  I can’t, no matter how hard I try, stop feeling this way.  It’s as if I’m in a pit, all alone and no matter how hard I try to get out, someone always throws me a shovel and commands me to dig.  And all I can do is beg and plead to anyone who’ll listen to let me out. But there’s no one there. There never is.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

A Loving Tribute to a Wonderful Lady

It’s all part of the plan,

from birth we are told,

This soothes no pain of loss

It’s the same whether young or old

 

When someone you love passes,

from here to the next life

Nothing can stop the hurt you feel

Like you’re heart’s been pierced with a knife

 

How can this pain go unfelt,

Is there no way to be free

There is a simple way

But it’s not worth it to me

 

The only way to be safe

From ever being hurt in this way

Is to live your life alone

With no loved ones to share your day

 

So for me, I treasure this pain

It’s a cross that I gladly bear

For this hole left in my life

By a person who’s no longer there

 

I would rather triple my pain

Then forget what she meant to me

I will miss you forever

My beloved Grandma B.

Friday, June 08, 2012

How to set up an SVN Repository on Skydrive, Dropbox, Etc.

I was in a bit of a pickle the other day.  My home server was out of commission and I use it for my Subversion server.  I was about to start a new project, but being paranoid, I didn’t want to do it without source control of some sort.  I began looking into git, and free online SVN solutions, but I wasn’t really impressed with any of them.  Some require that your software be open source or they will charge you for it.  Most of the free ones limit your space to somewhere around 500mb.  I wasn’t a fan of this.  Plus, if I used an online SVN, I wasn’t sure if I could download the entire repository to my server later.  So I got an idea.  Being a fan of online folder syncing, I decided to use Dropbox as a place to store my repository. I chose to do this for the following reasons:

  1. It was free.
  2. I have complete control over the repository.
  3. Dropbox will give me 2gb of free space vs the 500mb or less I found with most free SVN hosts.
  4. It was really simple.

Here’s how I did it.

Step 1

Sign up for and install on your machine an online folder syncing service like Dropbox.  If you don’t like Dropbox, here are the links to a few different ones you can try.  They all have their pros and cons, so pick the one you like best.

There are quite a few more out there.  I’m currently a SkyDrive user ‘cause I like their T&C’s the best and they gave me 25gb for free, but for this tutorial I’ll be using Dropbox.

After Dropbox is installed, you will have a folder called Dropbox. Everything you place in here will be backed up and synced with their online servers. This is where we’ll create our repository. For that we’ll need Tortoise or something similar.

Step 2

Download and install Tortoise SVN from here.  You may have to reboot your computer after the install.

Step 3

Open up your Dropbox folder and create a folder to store your repository.  I’m calling mine Local SVN.

folder

Step 4

Open the folder you created to store your repository, and right click. From the menu select TortoiseSVN->Create Repository Here. 

SvnMenu

Your repository will be created and you will get a dialogue asking if you’d like to create the default folder structure.  You can if you like.  It makes no difference to this tutorial.  Then click the Start Repobrowser button.

dialogue

Copy the URL from the repobrowser as you will need it in just a second.

Step 5

Create a folder somewhere on your machine to store your local version of your code. I created mine here C:\Dropbox Repos\Local SVN

Step 6

Rightclick on your new folder and select SVN Checkout… from the menu.

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Paste the URL of the repository that you copied from the repobrowser into the box labeled URL of repository: (duh), and click OK.

Checkout

Step 7

You’re done! If all went well, you should now have your default folder structure (if you created it, if not, the folder will be empty) in your folder and you can use it as your new repository.  Any updates you make will be committed to your repository in your Dropbox folder and synced with their servers, making fear of code loss a thing of the past.  And you can check out and use the repository on any machine that you’ve installed Dropbox on.

 

I know that this is not an ideal solution, but for me it was great because as soon as I got my server back online, I was able to just copy the repository to it’s rightful home.  So, it may not be the best solution ever, but if you ever find yourself in a serverless jam, I found it to be most helpful, and I thought someone else out there might be able to use it as well.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Cement, Pipes and Beams

I’ve got some new pictures from the basement.  There was a post in the middle of the floor that held up the center beam.  The post was in the middle of what I want to become my TV room, so I decided it had to go.  In order to accomplish this, I needed to pour a new footing, and put in two new posts and replace the beam with a larger, stronger beam.

 

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This is the footing and the new post.

 

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This is the new beam with the old post now removed.

 

 

I then needed to jackhammer up the floor to add sewer pipe to what will become my new bathroom.  I had this done by Johanson Plumbing.

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Here is the floor after the pipes have been laid and cemented over.

 

 

During this time, my tub which I had ordered a little while earlier arrived.  I wanted a big tub, one that I would fit well in.  So I got the 72” version.  I have to say, it is a pretty tub.

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This is the tub.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Basement, first of many.

I’ve decided to finish my basement, in this the first of probably many posts, I’m going to post some pictures of what’s been going on in my basement.  First of all, I am not responsible for the colorful floor.  That was from one of the previous owners.

 

The Window

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First, I had to replace that itty bitty window with a proper egress window.

 

 

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so I dug out the outside by window to make room for the new window and well.

 



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I had to build a temporary wall to support the weight of the floor so I wedged 2x4s between the floor and the floor joists above.

 

 


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This is another angle of the temporary wall.  I know it’s not pretty…

 

 

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…but as you can see, it did the job.  I still needed to fill in that hole above the window and put in the well.

 

 

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This is what the window looks like now from the inside, I had to put a piece of angle steel on top to support the weight of the floor joists.

 

 

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This is what it now looks like from the outside.  Not too shabby.  I’ve still got a little to do with the surrounds, but there you have it.

 

Next time, footings and beams!

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Sunday, August 15, 2010

The Cookie

When I was young, one Sunday a month, we’d spend the evening with my Mom’s side of the family.  We’d play games and eat dinner and celebrate the birthday of anyone who was having one in that month.  We always looked forward to this when it was our birthday month, obviously because it’s always nice to get presents. One present in particular was the favorite.  My aunt Connie would make a giant heart shaped frosted sugar cookie with a  dollar bill lovingly tucked under the corner.  Not only was this awesome because it was something that you got for yourself, but because it was something your siblings did not.

When I was 18, I got back from a camping trip with my friends, and the first thing anyone in my family says to me, it was my brother Lance, he walks up to me and says, “Just so you’re aware, aunt Connie died this morning.” Whoosh, and holy crap.  Her death hit me harder than any I’d experienced up ‘till that time and since. It was one of the few times in my life that I’ve just wanted to seriously bury my head in the sand and cry.

Since then, much time has passed and you start to forget all the great things about the people in this life that you’ve lost. But one memory that always stands strong in all my immediate family and cousins, is that cookie.

Tomorrow is my Son’s 4th birthday.  This afternoon, my sister brought my son a present. It was a large heart shaped frosted sugar cookie with a dollar bill lovingly tucked under the corner. I almost cried.  My son, not much a fan of any food other than sugar, was so excited.  When he sat to eat some he said, “I need a fork.” We gave him his fork, and he proceeded to eat all of the frosting off the top, on cloud nine with this super cookie all his own.

I don’t know if my sister will continue with this, frankly I don’t really care, but I know that cookie meant more to me then  my son and my sister will ever know.  Just to bring back the memories, right now brings tears to my eyes.  Love you Aunt Connie.  Miss you, can’t wait to see you again someday, but not too soon.

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This is my son’s cookie after he scraped the frosting.